Oct 19, 2013 — Kansas City, MO
Waddell & Reed Kansas City Marathon
Embarrassing. Painful. Depressing. Did I mention embarrassing? I am only posting this to remind myself just how bad it can get during a race, and maybe even learn from it.
Started slow, like everyone always tells me to. Kept a steady, albeit too slow pace through 10-12 miles. It didn’t take long for the race to beat me up, physically, but even more so mentally/emotionally.
By mile 13, I knew I had no chance at my sub-4 goal. By mile 14, my dreaded hiccups hit (just like every marathon I’ve done around the same point) and I knew I had no chance at my weak 4:12 PR. By mile 15, I knew I couldn’t even come close to a PR. That’s when I quit mentally. I was crushed. It was an emotional weekend for various reasons. I have a looooong list of excuses I could make, and have (unprepared for hills, horrendous training, mental blocks, complete lack of focus, outside stress, etc). But I won’t elaborate further. At least not again, and not here.
Fact: I’m better than this. I am not a quitter. But I almost quit several times in this one. Only reasons to continue: Big medal + finisher’s shirt (only to find out you had to pay extra for a finisher’s shirt — no, thanks). Mentally, I quit. My state of mind has improved slightly since the race, but not by a ton. I am taking a break from marathons. I stink at the marathon, plain and simple.
“At least you finished.” Screw that. That’s not the goal. Especially by now. I will be back. Probably as soon as April (+ as long as it takes to figure out my hiccup past mile 14 issue). But for the time being, I’m taking a mental break from 26.2. I’m running a local 5K race for Halloween with my girlfriend this weekend — I’ll be dressed as Wolverine. Then, a local 10K on November 9… Strongly considering a 12-hour Ultra on November 16 with a goal of running 50 miles (my longest ever is 38) to earn a special belt buckle award. Even that would feel less like a race, though. Long story, short: I just want to make running fun again.
The 26.2 is no fun for me at this point. And that’s okay.